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Showing posts with label Indian girl. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Indian girl. Show all posts

Thursday, March 5, 2015

India's Daughter

Village Belle by Raja Ravi Varma 

I watched the documentary, India's Daughter today. I couldn't bear to listen to most of the men in there, including. and especially, the literate lawyers -hard  to watch the whole documentary. For a while, I was at a loss for words. Disturbing, heartwrenching, and terribly real. The mindset of the majority of citizens of a democratic nation, that prides itself on its culture! I was lamenting about a few hate mails I received after a story of mine was published a long time ago. Why am I even surprised? I just saw and listened to a few representatives of the educated males in our capital city of New Delhi, in modern day India. But watching this should be mandatory in India.By the way, to the lawyers- even a girl going out with her own father or brother is not left alone by anti-social elements like these.  But then I am sure people like these lawyers and many religious persons still would not get the message. That girls shouldn't walk outside their homes at all,  would be the lesson that  they would want us to take away from this. Better, let them all kill themselves! Which they do do to the unborn female child.
Even elderly nuns in convents are not safe, when it comes to insecure men wanting to reinforce their sense of power. News - Elderly Indian nun raped . I cannot forget what those misguided, cruel, pathetic, stupid  men did to Jyoti. I cannot forget her dreams, her hopes. Her mother's eyes. And this will and should haunt us forever.  I am so ashamed of my country, of its so-called "tradition" and "culture". 

It was hard to see even the hope of the protesters, for change, for a better tomorrow. . This is one time when I value the merits of a brutal, long drawn out war that will affect the whole of India, but which took the men out of India, into other countries.  That is the one long term change that came out of the world wars, in the West.  Women had to take over. They came into their own, in spite of the loss of lives. The sacrifice had an unforeseen effect of women's liberation.  Of course I do not want needless deaths of men.  or women, which is what is happening now. If we could learn something from history, without bloodshed and killings, that is it. Education is the answer. How - that is the question. How to educate? What modes to use? Through travel, and exposure to other cultures? Through classes? Movies? TV? As it is, las I mentioned before.  even if many of them saw this movie, I know what many Indians -men and women - would say , shaking their heads - the girl shouldn't have gone out at night. They just wouldn't get the message, or pretend not to get it. And when  they do that, they are denying the humanity of their daughters and sons. Forgetting the real meaning of civilization.

But why am I racking my brains as to how to stop men from behaving inhumanly? Strict enforcement of a just law is all that is needed. Where the responsibility to not to commit evil deeds is on the individual. For instance, disbar and dismiss those lawyers, politicians, policemen etc  who nurture such inhuman notions about women. If they still do not understand, throw them in the jail with the other rapists. After all, we did manage to eradicate caste system, at least in certain parts of India. According to that old tradition, the lower caste women were considered untouchable, but at the same time, playthings for the high caste. Much like the other tradition of slavery, and the feudal system. Strict enforcement of the law did help with those. But then gender inequality is of benefit to all men - regardless of class or race. So the number of people who will feel cheated out of their "rights" is higher. And they won't let go off their "rights" that easily. So the struggle becomes harder.

For Catholics, in the Ten Commandments - thou shalt not kill does not put the onus on the victim, but on the perpetrator. But in the case of rape, the law in India seem to think that the victim is the culprit. Once that attitude changes, things will fall in place rather nicely. The eleventh commandment should be "thou shalt not rape". 

I found this on the internet. Seemed very helpful.


11. When you see a woman walking with a man, do not rape her.
12. When you see a woman walking with a child, do not rape her.
13. When you see a woman walking with another woman, do not rape her.

14. If you feel you are a thorn, and the woman is a flower, hit your head, repeatedly, on a stone or brick wall, whatever is convenient, and knock yourself out.
15.Use the buddy system here too if you fail to remember the above. Ask a trusted friend to bring a rock or brick to knock you out.


Still, I am hopeful for India's men and women. Looking at the thousands of girls and women protesting in the streets. Their courage, their hope, and their strength. I see the change right there. This would not be seen thirty years ago. These are the women of my generation, and their daughters. I can only bow my head before them. I am so proud of them, of how far we have come. I am ashamed of myself because I ran away from my country. It was escapist. 
The struggle has just begun, and it should include all humane beings - women and men. Because just like that assumption that women are basically "sex" (as in the words of that lawyer) and so need to be controlled, while in the same breath he said that women are "flowers" to be protected - that is what we have to face. Who on earth can live according to that contradictory idea? And the other assumption that all men are savage beings who are less than human who have no control over their own minds, and no intelligence to take responsibilty for their own actions,  or do not have the least bit of sensitivity to think of a girl or woman as a human being. That is degrading our own fathers, brothers, and sons. 

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

1986 : an old story - translated.



In 1986, when I was a college student, I participated in a short story competition, "a story for a movie", organized by a leading Malayalam film magazine. The selected stories would be published in their weekly. The stories had to fit a page. It was a time when some fiery thoughts were searing through my brain. I had just passed my B.A. in flying colors, and my parents who had promised me that I would be allowed to go out of state for higher studies, backtracked. They cited many reasons, the main one being, I had to be married off pretty soon, and my going away like that won't help with that. Needless to say I was heartbroken, and angry at the injustice. My rebellion stopped at chopping off my hair, and starving myself. Nothing like the heroine in the story.

But it made me think as to the why's. And I wanted to share my thoughts with people. I wanted to change attitudes, the old stupid ways of thinking. A story was born out of that. As far as the plot went, it was nothing, even by my standard. But then it was a story of ideas, a story for social change, all of which I knew even then. I sent mine in, never expecting to be selected.  But still, every week I would run to get that weekly to see if it was in there.  And one morning, I opened the magazine, and my story was in there! The delight! the pride! But I could  not share that happiness with anyone. When I sent it in, maybe they thought it would not see the light of day - my parents just watched me indulgently.  But now that it was out there, they were not happy. What will people say! They would think everything in there, that I had written in order to shock people out of their complacency,  was true. That I was a "bad girl". No man from a respectable family will want to marry me. What I wrote there, say, about marriage or religion, would not faze a westerner or a westernized Indian. But back then, in India, in Kerala, in Thrissur, things were different. I am sure, even now, it would shock at least a few. Even the outfit of the heroine must have disturbed them.

The thing is they had published my address with that story.  Two movie companies wrote to me asking to meet for a discussion. Another one for a tv program. I was not allowed to write back, as all men were bad. Because meanwhile other things happened. Hate mail. For daring to think and talk about freedom for women, one letter writer threatened that  he would gather up a group of men and come and rape me. They seemed to, or wanted to assume that my silly little plot, which was just a vehicle for my status quo-shattering ideas, was true. Actually they just did not like the idea of women being free. And of course, I had to be punished. I was intimidated. My parents felt I let them down by bringing such shame on myself and the family! I was guilty without committing any sin, except write. In fact at first my parents did not show me these letters - don't know why they did after a few days, maybe to prevent me from doing it again. Anyway, it worked. I stopped writing. I felt so guilty at hurting my parents, and ashamed at myself, that I pretended it did not happen. I did not talk about it even to my University friends, a year later. In fact it was only last year that I gathered up the courage to read it again. Looking back,  I did not know how to deal with publicity, the little I got - it was a time when there was no internet, and when TV was still new, with less than a handful of channels. I was too naive, lead too sheltered a life, had no supporter, let alone, a mentor. The nuns in my college weren't too pleased either. Except for one teacher who wondered what went on in my mind. However, even though there were a few letters that congratulated me, I foolishly, or pragmatically, overlooked those. And focused on the negative comments, not knowing that those comments arose out of fear and spite. That fear and sense of guilt lingered on for so long that my attitude to the whole concept of publicity was confusing, to say the least. On the one hand I wanted people to read my writings, actually a lot of people, and I wanted to change the way they saw things. But at the same time, I did not want anyone to! I dreaded it. I hoped no one would read it! Again, when they did not, I felt disappointed! I am sure there are others who are in the same boat as me. That is  one thing I have learned so far - that I am not particularly unique or special in any way, unlike my heroine.

Here's a translation of my story -- I do admit that some of it is cringeworthy. My heroine, Ribelle (Oh my God! the name , for Rebel! haha.) now reads like an arrogant little show off.  Still, she is mine. :) Funny thing is I wrote it first in English back then, and then translated it into Malayalam. Maybe, unconsciously I felt that writing my ideas down in English  made it less dangerous somehow, than in my own language! I lost the original, or maybe I destroyed it.  Sadly, I do have a tendency to delete or tear up old letters, writings, emails etc. I know I will be sorely tempted to modify when I am translating now. But I will resist, and be true to the original. But remember, Rebel's ideas may be mine, but not her experiences. When I wrote this, I was still a student in an all-girls' college run by nuns. I did not have any male teachers.  Later on, I did go to a University for Research, but then I was so loyal to my family's Puritanic codes that I avoided any kind of romantic/sexual relationships. In fact I quite successfully rationalized it all so well that I fooled myself into thinking that I was an evolved rational being who was above mere emotions and needs. So I ended up being a truly celibate and chaste Christian even though I wasn't religious!  ah, youth! (look at me! I am  still doing  it -- justifying, defending, explaining -- trying to be the 'good" girl - I am never going to change, I guess. sad. )And the subject for research that Rebel chooses is amusing, to say the least.And obviously she did not know the difference between an atheist and an agnostic. Please do not laugh too much when you read this. Boy, was I brave, and stupid! ;))

You can find the Malayalam version here: ഗുരുവിനെത്തേടി - Guruvinethedi

Translation follows (with some editorializing in italics)
In search of a Guru

A pair of faded blue jeans, a loose-fitting yellow shirt,  steel-framed glasses, a reserved look on her face, and eyes that searched for someone - that is Rebel. (probably needed new glasses). No one would notice that girl who walks by fast, her fingers running through her short, cropped hair. You would wonder if this  is the same girl who scribbles in her diary in the bag thrown over her shoulder  as the one who acts the clown in her home.

At home, she is everyone's apple of the eye. The girl who makes everyone laugh out loud, at times stating small philosophical theories, the girl who pouts, has to try hard to stop herself from crying at a little scolding. She is not especially close with anyone.

She is here for research. The goal is to get a doctorate in English Literature. The subject is "The Problem Plays of Shakespeare". At times, she wondered as to the necessity of researching such a subject.  Rebel is a repository of the old and the new. In her mind, it is a constant struggle between the two. Although she is a total non-believer, she believes that an unknown power rules the world. However she thinks that that power is a cruel one. Or else why is there so much suffering in this world?

Once, while she was sitting with a classmate in her hostel room, Rebel looked outside the window, at the trees bathed in moonlight, and said, "When a time comes when any girl can walk by herself, even in the middle of the night, unmolested,  I would agree that women are free".(This seemed to enrage the males more than anything - apparently I wanted sex!) At another time, she said, " I do not have a great belief in marriage.  We are ready to lose that valuable treasure called chastity, (she means virginity), which we guarded so closely till then, the moment a  man puts a string around our necks. I can never understand that. Why is there a double standard for the man and the woman in our society?" Dowry , or property for women, is necessary. But, in Rebel's opinion, the brides who are sacrificed for it, suffer more than the son of man who was crucified, but who  got to rise from the dead on the third day.(god, she is insufferable!)

There was someone who noticed this girl who spent most of her time in the library. Professor Philip. Professor Philip is married. With one child. He is the friend of Rebel's Research Supervisor. At first, when he talked to her, Rebel barely answered him, and went her way. But they got closer during a send off party for someone. One day he invited Rebel over to his house. On another day, while Rebel was walking around town with her dad, they met the Professor and his wife. The Professor's wife was beautiful. It looked like she too liked this serious looking girl. (hahaha -sorry,  couldn't help it!)

College Day came around. Rebel was slowly falling in love with the Professor. As expected, she did not talk of this to anyone. (Thank God!haha) . This was something that a student should not feel for a teacher, that too, a married one. When he made fun of her usual blue jeans, Rebel felt bad. Whenever the thought of a family life, she chased it away.  Why should she marry? After all, we all have to die. (aha - so I always talked of death) Why be a slave to someone else, till then? As it is, Rebel was always against rules.

The Professor was surprised when Rebel appeared in a black silk saree. She proudly strutted away.  Was it her theories, or her seriousness, or her clownishness - the Professor did not know what attracted him to her ( or in other words, the Professor didn't know what hit him!hehe) They had more chances to meet.

In one moment of weakness (or sleaziness ) Rebel gave herself to Philip. (yikes!) The next day she told the Professor who was suffocating with his sense of guilt, (ya, right!), (now begins the speech!), "Let us end this here. I am saying good bye.( :) good byes are my old friends, obviously) I am not asking you to marry me or anything. I do not like that either. The mistake is mine too, anyway. (aah - the eagerness to accept responsibility!) I feel guilty when I think of your wife. (how nice!) If we meet everyday, this will only lead to sadness. You are not going to love me like this always. Not just you, no man can ( I am a know-it-all!) What I need now is a guru. (hmm) I feel I have to do a lot in this world. I am not playing an intellectual. May be I will go to some forest and live there by myself. Of course, I am not going to turn to God.I do not like to see human beings. (uh -oh) May be some would brand me as a crazy woman. But there is one thing - The mad men in this world are the fortunate ones. May be they are the real human beings."

That unusual girl went her way - in search of a guru.

The End.

(hahaha - lucky Professor. )
well, this obnoxious girl and the equally obnoxious professor managed to make people mad! Which is kind of what I wanted - not mad, but to think differently. And, like I said, the girl and the man are mine, no matter how irritating they are. :)

I said I stopped writing, but I never stopped thinking or reading. My abilities, for what they are worth, were directed into my studies and my dissertation. Years later, in another country, I wrote a novel. Imagine what they would say if they read  that!





Saturday, February 21, 2015

Being a girl in India or how dare they be naked under their underwear!

A satirical comic strip depicting what 'bad girls' get up to in India

Apparently this is a trending topic online these days. Cute! But we haven't got there yet! It does make you think, and it is amusing, but it is also ambiguous. Because most of these  could be said in relation to Indian boys too, except for the round roti or dosa in the South, and the eating bit. And it can be pointed out too that too much of alcohol and porn can be detrimental to one's mental and physical well being. If the intention is just to provoke, it is fine. But we must be aware that we are giving ammunition to the perpetrators again, to say the least. As it is, this satire is a luxury that we cannot afford yet. When the common man thinks that girls and women are asking for it, if they are attacked, that it is  for our own good that we are not allowed out, we have our work cut out for us. No one seems to be interested in changing the underlying cause for this need for special "protection or persecution" of women. How come these same men know how to behave once they go to other countries? In India they want that "difference" perpetuated - simple economic matter. The distribution of money/power, the holding on to it. Controlling women, and by that, their sexuality is the only way they can be overpowered, the premise being all girls are bad, from before they are born. Naked under the underwear bad.  How dare they be naked under their underwear!! Not that the common man or woman is aware of that deep truth, or has the time or inclination to know it. They just take the easy way out, follow the herd. Keep the woman inside. Everything will be fine. What if these evil men broke in? Will they have to kill off all the girls to "save" them? Oh, I forgot, we do kill off baby girls.
It is not the outfit, it is not the hair, it is not age, or class or caste - latest news - elderly Indian nun raped .

Still it is sad that it is hard for us to appreciate the humor and the message in this colorful strip. Why? Because the reality is that it is hard to be a girl in India -- good or bad. Jyoti and a thousand other Jyotis proved that. That is the main reason, I am ashamed to say, that I grabbed the first chance to escape. And no, it is not the actions of a few mad men. It is the reflection of how many Indians, educated or not, consider the girl, the woman. For them, girls are not equal to boys. We are not talking about what boys can do, girls can do better kind of equality. Just plain human being equality, as opposed to lower than animal level thinking. Listening to them talk, we would think we are not human. Some raise us to that impossibly high mother/goddess- standard, and others lower us to dirt level. We cannot win either way, let alone afford to laugh at the above fun piece, as things are now.


But then if people want to pretend they do not know what is meant here, in this picture, then we can do nothing about that. Remember my last essay on this? (Going to see an English movie (let alone porn!) was frowned upon when I was at University. Not that we did it all the time - the antisocial elements around made sure of that. But once in a blue moon we tried, I remember when "Gorillas in the Mist" came to our town. My friends and I took the bus to town a few miles away from our campus. And lo and behold, there were a small group of male students following us! Not from our department - anyway they followed us around town to the theater, sat right behind us making nasty comments, laughing and altogether titillated. Of course we were laughing at them - quietly - always pretend not to see them - do not provoke the beast! Once the movie started, and they saw that it was not porn, they got up and left. haha. And these were University students!) 


Anyway - the main point, which is still beyond the grasp of our girls,  is or should be the one about our (man or woman) right to choose for ourselves, once we are old enough to know. It could be my profession, it could be my partner in life, it could be that I want to live my life on my own terms, as much as possible. As it is now, the conditioning from our families, and our schools and colleges which are naturally religious institutions, is so successful, that some of us who act "free" or "fearless' by Indian standards, still are worried what "they" would say, or think! That image of the "good" girl has to be maintained at all costs. While growing up, we are trained to please everyone around us, and even those with whom we have no real connection to! And if we rebel, we are branded "bad". Girls' determination is translated as stubbornness, arrogance, and selfishness. Men have to deal with this too, I admit, but to a lesser degree - after all, boys will be boys - everyone accepts that in the end. Even the sense of humor of a girl has to be controlled - they have to be above all that! Or else they will again be branded as bad or immoral or even crazy! Or worse, they are looking for sex! with anyone! well - they said that if you cut your hair! or drank black tea, when you had a tummy ache. You walk around in the town, they think you are public property. In the above picture, they talk of partying! Some of us did not want to party - just wanted to study, get ahead. That was seen to be bad!Imagine what it would be  if I were partying then! But I get the idea - if they had let me study, say abroad, or in another state, what if I did party? Oh no! that is taboo. Most of the time religion is brought in as a controlling weapon. As if God has no other business but to control women!

In India, the reality is that  even now, even in the best of homes, what makes a girl good is her obedience to whatever the elders wanted her to say, to do, and even to think. No matter how outdated or downright stupid it is, or totally detrimental to her growth as a fully mature, responsible human. Obviously we are not human . As said before,  "how dare you are naked under your underwear?" But when the main goal or ideal in the Indian girl's life is supposed to be pleasing the men, then it is  going to be a hard fight. Women themselves buy into that way of thinking, and fail to support other women. It is a rivalry, a fight for survival. well - it is a man's world. And the sooner we learn that if we are to survive, we have to manipulate the men and other women, we succeed! Or not. As the case may be. And those who don't want to play that game, or are too "good", too well-conditioned, they lose.

Not letting girls be who they want to be, putting obstacles in their way of growth, at every turn, pulling them down whenever they try to fly,  let alone train them to stand on their own feet are the norms there.  The invisible now illegal dowry system doesn't help at all, showing us the economic basis of all these oppression and inequalities. Not educating everyone on the necessity for change in attitudes, and then blaming them as burdens on the family, is not smart or fair. But sadly, that is what is happening in India. It is easier to assume that all men are evil, and therefore girls should be shut up in their homes - easier for those men. But once you acknowledge that not all men are evil, that even bad men can be changed through education, only then can there be lasting change. The importance of empathy, the development of the so-called feminine qualities of kindness and forgiveness and nurture - these cannot be over emphasized. That should be the ideal that we move towards. To laugh it off, or to think that those men will never change, is doing a disservice to men's brains, to the entire human race itself. Again, I have to wonder at how fast these same "unchanging" male, once he comes to a western country manages to learn the lay of the land soon enough! So really good implementation of the law could bring about change! But there lies the problem in India - the law enforcers themselves are cut from the same cloth as these supposed dregs of society.

Related to this is the adage, "Know your station in life, and you will be happy, if you stick to it." No one likes an upstart. Why? America was built by upstarts. When the African Americans began to or tried to stand on their feet , they were called upstarts. Poets are upstarts, artists are upstarts. It is the fear of the Establishment.  People getting ideas. Of equal rights, of equal right to choose. Of losing their own station. But this is a big world - it can accommodate upstarts, old and new.

This putting people in their place, asking them if they haven't achieved enough, asking them to be content with what they have - after all they are better off than their predecessors -- that theme is not limited to race. It runs across nations, first world-third world, across classes, across the sexes. Wives , and women on the whole, are supposed to be put in their places. The dominant group does not want to share their privileges. They seriously believe in their divine right to have it all. They are the entitled ones, they are the chosen ones. You don't have to look too far to find the bases  of the elaborate rules and structures of caste system, of slavery, and of feudalism  It is just a question of perspective, really. Again!

Just remember that when you may make much ado about the petty presumed differences, an outsider won't see any such difference. Just as if a creature from another planet should see us humans -- I think to them we all belong to one race - the human race, whether you are a man or a woman, black, white, or brown.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

of mindfulness, and also of other less savory matters



Suddenly that word is everywhere - "mindfulness". There have been debates about its actual meaning. The word has its roots in Pali, and also in Sanskrit. It originates from Buddhist principles. This is how I understood it, after reading a little about it. Mindfulness is "to be aware". To be aware of the moment. Free from judgment. Just to be. It is a presence of mind where one accepts without confusion, what each moment brings - the emotions, the thoughts, the plans for future, the whole experience.

I think that in this age of self-conscious living, 'mindfulness", which is another level of consciousness, can be of great benefit. For instance it can aid in creating an empathetic society, not unlike the Buddhist ideal. Or that of other religions. Where it could differ is that it could in practice go beyond mere religious to- the- letter morality, where  great power is wielded by leaders who soon forget how to be compassionate or humane. Where we covertly do whatever we like without thinking of another's pain or humiliation, while we judge others openly.

( I just had to touch on that "kiss-revolution" going on in my state, Kerala. The older generation and some of the "holier-than-thou" younger generation reproach and condemn that as immoral and against tradition and altogether sleazy. But then that is their way of controlling the progressive youth, especially girls, of any generation. These judging hypocrites (who have done this and much more against true morality in their lives behind closed doors - including rape and murder of women and little boys and girls), conveniently forget that this whole drama started as an act of protest. They want to erase that true spirit behind it and instead focus everyone's attention on the supposed debauchery of these young people, destroy the morale of the activists.What better way to suppress it than to instill fear in the girls' minds by branding them as loose women who were asking for it? And unleash  anti-social elements, like rabid animals into their midst, as punishment? The so-called 'traditionalists" and "culture-ists" should hang their heads in shame.

I remember an incident from long ago during my university days. In our university auditorium, it was segregated seating - boys on one side, girls on the other. There was this program there once which was held by the students. The usual songs, dances, skits etc on the stage. Every time something like this took place, the girls' side would be full and the boys' section half-empty. What more, the girls sitting at the very back had to endure the catcalls and other stuff from the crowd immediately behind them - all men, not necessarily university students. Well, this time, when my friends and I got there, the girls' side was almost totally full. And I could see the hooligans at the back just waiting for us to get there, with unconcealed glee. If we were to stick to our designated sphere, we would have to go to this problem area. And the boys' side was totally empty. So according to my suggestion, my friends and I went and sat in the second row of the boys' side. Well, it was a statement on my part. It was not because I wanted to sit near boys. In fact we were 5 or 6 girls sitting together. and the chairs around us were vacant. And there was no boy there that I wanted to sit near to. Or may be the one that  I would've liked to sit next to, was not there! (not that even if he were there, I would have! )Anyway, before the program started, a Student leader came to us, and called us outside. He told me in a sleazy manner that they all would love to "interact" with girls "closely". He did some insinuating innuendo-filled gesture with his hands when he said that. Then he went on to say that we will not be allowed to sit there for our own protection. Protection from whom? From him? Yes, we would need it. But he should not have assumed that all the rest of the men there were like him. It was a University after all. But then he had a small group of similar-thinking sheepish looking guys with him, who seemed to agree with him. I will never forget the sarcastic tone and the salacious expression on his face when he gave his speech. And he was supposed to be an enlightened student. A leftist revolutionary. I felt humiliated, angry, powerless, and incredibly sad thinking of our society, of our girls.  We walked out of that place that day. So I know  how people can distort the truth, erase the spirit and the ideal behind situations, by degrading and maligning the act of protest, and focusing on incredibly spurious ideas that maintain the status quo. Women are not allowed to step out of the slots handed down to them by the males. They pretend not to understand that women do not want to step out into the world just to sleep with all men. Now if they had practised true mindfulness, they would think differently, with compassion, knowing the plight of women in my country, understanding  the need for change.)

On the other hand, this mindfulness  holds higher and evolving standards.  The advantage of this way of living -- as a mindful subject -- is that even if one does not believe in a God, you can still be a fully evolved human being.Or at least on our way to being one. Because when we  practice mindfulness we begin with our own minds.  We focus on what goes on in there. Each one of us is our own authority. Not some religious leader. We become responsible for our thought and thereby for our actions. We owe it to ourselves to be good and kind. When each person is good and kind to his or her own self, (because it makes him or her feel better on the whole) , then that could extend outward and spread and reach the whole society.

Mindfulness can be practiced, as in meditation. It is being used in many areas of our lives these days. Many government agencies, hospitals, schools, businesses and such have started using it as stress-reducing /healing method. Nothing wrong in that, as far as I can see. There is that fear in many scholars that commercialization of mindfulness will make us forget the real spirit of the whole process. Which is "social harmony" and compassion. They fear that it may just teach people to adapt to stress, for instance, rather than deal with the cause of that stress or strife in a compassionate, wise, and humane manner -- in other words, in the manner of that evolved being. Which is what the underlying ideals of many religions are, but everyone conveniently or ignorantly forgets that part. (And those who are really clever and successful in this world know how to use those ideals without themselves following them, to their advantage. But that is another story).

For me, the immediate step in mindfulness is that I would start with breathing mindfully. anything easy, I can do! Stop. Stand up straight. Shoulders back. Tummy in.  and take that deep slow breath, and exhale. That is centering. And cleansing. And then, I can use mindfulness when I eat.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

for Jyoti.

a girl tortured and murdered. just like that. for no reason except that because they could. I know no one's "sorry" means anything now.  your life was stopped-- cruelly, inhumanly, wantonly. sorry that you were unfortunate enough to be born in this country called India or Bharat or Hindustan. sorry that there weren't enough human beings in that land who could prevent this horror that was dealt to you. hope you get some kind of justice at least after your death.


"Jyothi" means light. All children are lights of the world, of the future. boy and girl. man and woman. When that young girl with all her little big dreams of a better, happier life was murdered so horribly, she is not the only one who died. We all died -- at least a part of each one of us. She died a thousand deaths -- a placard read. And it hit me again and again. Even I at this jaded stage of my life, when I thought nothing could touch me anymore, cannot stop the tears. But they are no good, I know. What kind of sick people will do this? What kind of normal people will let this happen? Why? How many more before we act? I am ashamed to think that I am glad I am far away from that place where human life has zero value, and girls' lives, less than that.


these inhuman acts are not just for or because of  sexual power. Nor is it as some point out,  because of poverty. Being poor does not mean you have to rape and kill women.  It is hatred born out of sheer envy and basic meanness. envy at the little happiness or success and independence that these girls and women created for themselves. fear that these girls will fly. away from their grasping hands. these men just follow a way of life akin to the old racial pogroms. the anger and the envy towards the "uppity" woman. new ways of intimidation, containment, punishment. women stay in the margins! do not step out of your male-approved roles.


The light was extinguished by a few idiotic demons. And still, there are those who blame the light. Why did it burn? why did it light up? Look to any culture that mistreats its women, denies them the rights of a human being -- they all reek of poverty and failure. A tradition that murders unborn females, a land filled with mass graves of female bodies -- India's holocaust. Whole villages devoid of women because of this selective breeding. Then they buy kidnapped little girls to use as slaves in their households. There are those so-called educated men who point out here that men get hurt too . they do not have any freedom either! First of all I do not know how they can compare their "hurts" or inability to have indiscriminate sex, to the atrocities committed on women on a daily basis, just because men can. Be it a war, or a day at the store -- men vent their frustrations and compensate for their failures by hurting and killing women. It is your outfit, it is your hair, it is your expression that is to blame, they tell us. No, it is none of these. Because you do this to any female -- right from when they are in their mother's womb till they are dead.

There are those all over the world ( this includes obviously, religious and political leaders, educational institutions run by nuns, priests, and other religious gurus, and law enforcement officials) who believe that the right to "the pursuit of happiness" is only for men. Much like the divine right of kings, like nations, that out of greed, conquer and plunder, like races who think they are superior and are entitled. And for these men who look down on women,  the one thing that pops when she says, 'happiness", is sex. Years ago when I wrote about my dream of a land where a lone  woman can walk safely even at midnight, all these twisted minds could get out out of it was, again, sex. Why do you want to walk at night? isn't it for sex? Or , later, it could be "why do you want to walk at all?"  "Why do you need to breathe?" Does this mean they don't get it -- that it is not their unwanted advances that we crave for, but the freedom to choose for ourselves, as much as any human being can? Not really -- they pretend not to get it. And what if men are hurt? We don't find pleasure or satisfaction in that! The fact that for every 100 girls that are preyed upon, 50 boys are too these days, doesn't make any of it right. Nor does that make any of us happy.

a suggestion -- round these evil elements up, including the ones in power who condone and support these crimes for some money, the politicians, the police who are the products of a colonial and patriarchal culture, and send them over to the war zones. Move all the human beings out of those areas and let these idiots fight among themselves and rot. Or to the desert.  Meanwhile, educate the rest. as to the real meaning of "culture" and "civilization" . Those words do not mean that men can do whatever they want, and get away with it. learn to enlighten. and  to be enlightened. no amount of plunging in the Ganges will help us with that. Open the mind.

for more info: http://ajbernard.blogspot.com/2011/02/what-is-wrong-with-some-well-actually.html

how India treats its women

child abuse in India

cruelty towards women in other places too, escalating to unbelievable  levels during wartimes --   cost of being women


modern day racism is rampant all over especially in some of those Middle Eastern countries that employ a lot of men and women from developing countries. no basic human rights there, except for the natives and the whites. and we do not see any human rights activists complaining much.



Monday, February 7, 2011

what is wrong with (some, well, actually, a lot of) Indian men?

So another girl has been attacked in Kerala, that bastion of tradition and high morality. She was just travelling by train, and this man rapes her. She jumps out of the train to escape him, and she dies. There were other passengers aware of the evil, they kept quiet. A few years ago, another girl was attacked, a nun came to her rescue, and both the girl and the nun were pushed off the train. The nun lost an arm and a leg. In both cases, the men were from other states. Not that Mallu men are saints.
What is wrong with these men? Women and girls of any age cannot walk along Kerala's streets in daytime without being groped and pawed. Even if a male realtive is with a girl, these men feel free to molest the girl. Does this mean we have to cover ourselves up and sit at home behind locked doors? That is not going to happen.

And  in this case, we have to bear in mind that these  unfortunate girls were in the "ladies' compartment". The fact that the ladies need to be seated in a different area itself is suspicious. These same men with their uncontrollable urges behave wonderfully well when they are in other countries. So what is it that gives them the liberty to do whatever they want to, to whomever they want to, whenever they want to, in "God's own country"? Maybe these "literate" males think that www stands for that -- wherever, whenever, whoever -- not unlike many others. Kerala has become the place which looks upon its girls as just objects to toy with. A place where girls have no worth. Of what use is literacy if people cannot acknowledge the basic rights of their fellow beings? Now men from other states come to Kerala to display their perversions. Live and let live, please. It is a proven fact that If a nation's women are not recognized as human, and are not treated equally/ or better, that nation is always going to lag behind in every way. No amount of technological or scientific advances, no social networks, no internet,  nothing is going to bring these nations into the 21st century. Nor will they make these rabid persons human, unless they become human. And for that, education helps, not the textbook kind. But about man and woman. Their rights. The meaning of fairness.

Well, even in so-called civilized countries, it is hard for people to realize that a woman's body is her own. They talk and act as if her biology and her biological clock is everyone else's except her's. It is as if everyone else decides what she should do with her body, when she should have a baby, actually, they are determined that she have a baby. But these are matters which we still have  a choice in, I hope. But in India, everything goes a step further. Girl child is unwanted. She is killed off before she is even born. And what happens to her if and once she is born? Look at this young girl. She is  gone, she  lost her life, after an inhuman horrific ordeal. The distinction between revenge and justice gets blurred in my mind, even when I know that the rot in our culture goes deeper than we allow ourselves to see.
That a woman cannot go about her life without attracting unwanted attention is a violation of her space. I remember once a fellow student at the university countering my argument with "we men get mugged too!"
There was no point in convincing someone who pretended not to understand the basic tenets of civilization and refinement.

And a word to the wise -- that is, those in authority, who are at once proud of our state's culture and tradition, and privately condone the imbecilic treatment of women,-- you better clean up your act. No use parading elephants and pushing houseboats around backwaters -- there won't be any tourists to see it all, if they can't feel safe there. And the modern technology will do something -- it will put an end to secrecy, and coverup, whch is what  till now protected the offenders. We showered the victim with shame and guilt that no one dared to speak out, even when they were hurt badly. But now, it would be like shouting from the rooftops. And these are the kind of things that will blacken our faces, and make us bow our pathetic little heads in shame. We are responsible, our collective inertia, our fear, our selfishness and shame ,and our resistance to change.


I will add more to this piece, once I can breathe properly. It is with a heavy heart that I think of my homeland now. I never thought I will be this glad to be out of that place.