India's Daughter

Village Belle by Raja Ravi Varma 

I watched the documentary, India's Daughter today. I couldn't bear to listen to most of the men in there, including. and especially, the literate lawyers -hard  to watch the whole documentary. For a while, I was at a loss for words. Disturbing, heartwrenching, and terribly real. The mindset of the majority of citizens of a democratic nation, that prides itself on its culture! I was lamenting about a few hate mails I received after a story of mine was published a long time ago. Why am I even surprised? I just saw and listened to a few representatives of the educated males in our capital city of New Delhi, in modern day India. But watching this should be mandatory in India.By the way, to the lawyers- even a girl going out with her own father or brother is not left alone by anti-social elements like these.  But then I am sure people like these lawyers and many religious persons still would not get the message. That girls shouldn't walk outside their homes at all,  would be the lesson that  they would want us to take away from this. Better, let them all kill themselves! Which they do do to the unborn female child.
Even elderly nuns in convents are not safe, when it comes to insecure men wanting to reinforce their sense of power. News - Elderly Indian nun raped . I cannot forget what those misguided, cruel, pathetic, stupid  men did to Jyoti. I cannot forget her dreams, her hopes. Her mother's eyes. And this will and should haunt us forever.  I am so ashamed of my country, of its so-called "tradition" and "culture". 

It was hard to see even the hope of the protesters, for change, for a better tomorrow. . This is one time when I value the merits of a brutal, long drawn out war that will affect the whole of India, but which took the men out of India, into other countries.  That is the one long term change that came out of the world wars, in the West.  Women had to take over. They came into their own, in spite of the loss of lives. The sacrifice had an unforeseen effect of women's liberation.  Of course I do not want needless deaths of men.  or women, which is what is happening now. If we could learn something from history, without bloodshed and killings, that is it. Education is the answer. How - that is the question. How to educate? What modes to use? Through travel, and exposure to other cultures? Through classes? Movies? TV? As it is, las I mentioned before.  even if many of them saw this movie, I know what many Indians -men and women - would say , shaking their heads - the girl shouldn't have gone out at night. They just wouldn't get the message, or pretend not to get it. And when  they do that, they are denying the humanity of their daughters and sons. Forgetting the real meaning of civilization.

But why am I racking my brains as to how to stop men from behaving inhumanly? Strict enforcement of a just law is all that is needed. Where the responsibility to not to commit evil deeds is on the individual. For instance, disbar and dismiss those lawyers, politicians, policemen etc  who nurture such inhuman notions about women. If they still do not understand, throw them in the jail with the other rapists. After all, we did manage to eradicate caste system, at least in certain parts of India. According to that old tradition, the lower caste women were considered untouchable, but at the same time, playthings for the high caste. Much like the other tradition of slavery, and the feudal system. Strict enforcement of the law did help with those. But then gender inequality is of benefit to all men - regardless of class or race. So the number of people who will feel cheated out of their "rights" is higher. And they won't let go off their "rights" that easily. So the struggle becomes harder.

For Catholics, in the Ten Commandments - thou shalt not kill does not put the onus on the victim, but on the perpetrator. But in the case of rape, the law in India seem to think that the victim is the culprit. Once that attitude changes, things will fall in place rather nicely. The eleventh commandment should be "thou shalt not rape". 

I found this on the internet. Seemed very helpful.

11. When you see a woman walking with a man, do not rape her.
12. When you see a woman walking with a child, do not rape her.
13. When you see a woman walking with another woman, do not rape her.
14. If you feel you are a thorn, and the woman is a flower, hit your head, repeatedly, on a stone or brick wall, whatever is convenient, and knock yourself out.
15.Use the buddy system here too if you fail to remember the above. Ask a trusted friend to bring a rock or brick to knock you out.

Still, I am hopeful for India's men and women. Looking at the thousands of girls and women protesting in the streets. Their courage, their hope, and their strength. I see the change right there. This would not be seen thirty years ago. These are the women of my generation, and their daughters. I can only bow my head before them. I am so proud of them, of how far we have come. I am ashamed of myself because I ran away from my country. It was escapist. 
The struggle has just begun, and it should include all humane beings - women and men. Because just like that assumption that women are basically "sex" (as in the words of that lawyer) and so need to be controlled, while in the same breath he said that women are "flowers" to be protected - that is what we have to face. Who on earth can live according to that contradictory idea? And the other assumption that all men are savage beings who are less than human who have no control over their own minds, and no intelligence to take responsibilty for their own actions,  or do not have the least bit of sensitivity to think of a girl or woman as a human being. That is degrading our own fathers, brothers, and sons. 

1986 : an old story - translated.

In 1986, when I was a college student, I participated in a short story competition, "a story for a movie", organized by a leading Malayalam film magazine. The selected stories would be published in their weekly. The stories had to fit a page. It was a time when some fiery thoughts were searing through my brain. I had just passed my B.A. in flying colors, and my parents who had promised me that I would be allowed to go out of state for higher studies, backtracked. They cited many reasons, the main one being, I had to be married off pretty soon, and my going away like that won't help with that. Needless to say I was heartbroken, and angry at the injustice. My rebellion stopped at chopping off my hair, and starving myself. Nothing like the heroine in the story.

But it made me think as to the why's. And I wanted to share my thoughts with people. I wanted to change attitudes, the old stupid ways of thinking. A story was born out of that. As far as the plot went, it was nothing, even by my standard. But then it was a story of ideas, a story for social change, all of which I knew even then. I sent mine in, never expecting to be selected.  But still, every week I would run to get that weekly to see if it was in there.  And one morning, I opened the magazine, and my story was in there! The delight! the pride! But I could  not share that happiness with anyone. When I sent it in, maybe they thought it would not see the light of day - my parents just watched me indulgently.  But now that it was out there, they were not happy. What will people say! They would think everything in there, that I had written in order to shock people out of their complacency,  was true. That I was a "bad girl". No man from a respectable family will want to marry me. What I wrote there, say, about marriage or religion, would not faze a westerner or a westernized Indian. But back then, in India, in Kerala, in Thrissur, things were different. I am sure, even now, it would shock at least a few. Even the outfit of the heroine must have disturbed them.

The thing is they had published my address with that story.  Two movie companies wrote to me asking to meet for a discussion. Another one for a tv program. I was not allowed to write back, as all men were bad. Because meanwhile other things happened. Hate mail. For daring to think and talk about freedom for women, one letter writer threatened that  he would gather up a group of men and come and rape me. They seemed to, or wanted to assume that my silly little plot, which was just a vehicle for my status quo-shattering ideas, was true. Actually they just did not like the idea of women being free. And of course, I had to be punished. I was intimidated. My parents felt I let them down by bringing such shame on myself and the family! I was guilty without committing any sin, except write. In fact at first my parents did not show me these letters - don't know why they did after a few days, maybe to prevent me from doing it again. Anyway, it worked. I stopped writing. I felt so guilty at hurting my parents, and ashamed at myself, that I pretended it did not happen. I did not talk about it even to my University friends, a year later. In fact it was only last year that I gathered up the courage to read it again. Looking back,  I did not know how to deal with publicity, the little I got - it was a time when there was no internet, and when TV was still new, with less than a handful of channels. I was too naive, lead too sheltered a life, had no supporter, let alone, a mentor. The nuns in my college weren't too pleased either. Except for one teacher who wondered what went on in my mind. However, even though there were a few letters that congratulated me, I foolishly, or pragmatically, overlooked those. And focused on the negative comments, not knowing that those comments arose out of fear and spite. That fear and sense of guilt lingered on for so long that my attitude to the whole concept of publicity was confusing, to say the least. On the one hand I wanted people to read my writings, actually a lot of people, and I wanted to change the way they saw things. But at the same time, I did not want anyone to! I dreaded it. I hoped no one would read it! Again, when they did not, I felt disappointed! I am sure there are others who are in the same boat as me. That is  one thing I have learned so far - that I am not particularly unique or special in any way, unlike my heroine.

Here's a translation of my story -- I do admit that some of it is cringeworthy. My heroine, Ribelle (Oh my God! the name , for Rebel! haha.) now reads like an arrogant little show off.  Still, she is mine. :) Funny thing is I wrote it first in English back then, and then translated it into Malayalam. Maybe, unconsciously I felt that writing my ideas down in English  made it less dangerous somehow, than in my own language! I lost the original, or maybe I destroyed it.  Sadly, I do have a tendency to delete or tear up old letters, writings, emails etc. I know I will be sorely tempted to modify when I am translating now. But I will resist, and be true to the original. But remember, Rebel's ideas may be mine, but not her experiences. When I wrote this, I was still a student in an all-girls' college run by nuns. I did not have any male teachers.  Later on, I did go to a University for Research, but then I was so loyal to my family's Puritanic codes that I avoided any kind of romantic/sexual relationships. In fact I quite successfully rationalized it all so well that I fooled myself into thinking that I was an evolved rational being who was above mere emotions and needs. So I ended up being a truly celibate and chaste Christian even though I wasn't religious!  ah, youth! (look at me! I am  still doing  it -- justifying, defending, explaining -- trying to be the 'good" girl - I am never going to change, I guess. sad. )And the subject for research that Rebel chooses is amusing, to say the least.And obviously she did not know the difference between an atheist and an agnostic. Please do not laugh too much when you read this. Boy, was I brave, and stupid! ;))

You can find the Malayalam version here: ഗുരുവിനെത്തേടി - Guruvinethedi

Translation follows (with some editorializing in italics)
In search of a Guru

A pair of faded blue jeans, a loose-fitting yellow shirt,  steel-framed glasses, a reserved look on her face, and eyes that searched for someone - that is Rebel. (probably needed new glasses). No one would notice that girl who walks by fast, her fingers running through her short, cropped hair. You would wonder if this  is the same girl who scribbles in her diary in the bag thrown over her shoulder  as the one who acts the clown in her home.

At home, she is everyone's apple of the eye. The girl who makes everyone laugh out loud, at times stating small philosophical theories, the girl who pouts, has to try hard to stop herself from crying at a little scolding. She is not especially close with anyone.

She is here for research. The goal is to get a doctorate in English Literature. The subject is "The Problem Plays of Shakespeare". At times, she wondered as to the necessity of researching such a subject.  Rebel is a repository of the old and the new. In her mind, it is a constant struggle between the two. Although she is a total non-believer, she believes that an unknown power rules the world. However she thinks that that power is a cruel one. Or else why is there so much suffering in this world?

Once, while she was sitting with a classmate in her hostel room, Rebel looked outside the window, at the trees bathed in moonlight, and said, "When a time comes when any girl can walk by herself, even in the middle of the night, unmolested,  I would agree that women are free".(This seemed to enrage the males more than anything - apparently I wanted sex!) At another time, she said, " I do not have a great belief in marriage.  We are ready to lose that valuable treasure called chastity, (she means virginity), which we guarded so closely till then, the moment a  man puts a string around our necks. I can never understand that. Why is there a double standard for the man and the woman in our society?" Dowry , or property for women, is necessary. But, in Rebel's opinion, the brides who are sacrificed for it, suffer more than the son of man who was crucified, but who  got to rise from the dead on the third day.(god, she is insufferable!)

There was someone who noticed this girl who spent most of her time in the library. Professor Philip. Professor Philip is married. With one child. He is the friend of Rebel's Research Supervisor. At first, when he talked to her, Rebel barely answered him, and went her way. But they got closer during a send off party for someone. One day he invited Rebel over to his house. On another day, while Rebel was walking around town with her dad, they met the Professor and his wife. The Professor's wife was beautiful. It looked like she too liked this serious looking girl. (hahaha -sorry,  couldn't help it!)

College Day came around. Rebel was slowly falling in love with the Professor. As expected, she did not talk of this to anyone. (Thank God!haha) . This was something that a student should not feel for a teacher, that too, a married one. When he made fun of her usual blue jeans, Rebel felt bad. Whenever the thought of a family life, she chased it away.  Why should she marry? After all, we all have to die. (aha - so I always talked of death) Why be a slave to someone else, till then? As it is, Rebel was always against rules.

The Professor was surprised when Rebel appeared in a black silk saree. She proudly strutted away.  Was it her theories, or her seriousness, or her clownishness - the Professor did not know what attracted him to her ( or in other words, the Professor didn't know what hit him!hehe) They had more chances to meet.

In one moment of weakness (or sleaziness ) Rebel gave herself to Philip. (yikes!) The next day she told the Professor who was suffocating with his sense of guilt, (ya, right!), (now begins the speech!), "Let us end this here. I am saying good bye.( :) good byes are my old friends, obviously) I am not asking you to marry me or anything. I do not like that either. The mistake is mine too, anyway. (aah - the eagerness to accept responsibility!) I feel guilty when I think of your wife. (how nice!) If we meet everyday, this will only lead to sadness. You are not going to love me like this always. Not just you, no man can ( I am a know-it-all!) What I need now is a guru. (hmm) I feel I have to do a lot in this world. I am not playing an intellectual. May be I will go to some forest and live there by myself. Of course, I am not going to turn to God.I do not like to see human beings. (uh -oh) May be some would brand me as a crazy woman. But there is one thing - The mad men in this world are the fortunate ones. May be they are the real human beings."

That unusual girl went her way - in search of a guru.

The End.

(hahaha - lucky Professor. )
well, this obnoxious girl and the equally obnoxious professor managed to make people mad! Which is kind of what I wanted - not mad, but to think differently. And, like I said, the girl and the man are mine, no matter how irritating they are. :)

I said I stopped writing, but I never stopped thinking or reading. My abilities, for what they are worth, were directed into my studies and my dissertation. Years later, in another country, I wrote a novel. Imagine what they would say if they read  that!

Being a girl in India or how dare they be naked under their underwear!

Apparently this is a trending topic online these days. Cute! But we haven't got there yet! It does make you think, and it is amusing, but it is also ambiguous. Because most of these  could be said in relation to Indian boys too, except for the round roti or dosa in the South, and the eating bit. And it can be pointed out too that too much of alcohol and porn can be detrimental to one's mental and physical well being. If the intention is just to provoke, it is fine. But we must be aware that we are giving ammunition to the perpetrators again, to say the least. As it is, this satire is a luxury that we cannot afford yet. When the common man thinks that girls and women are asking for it, if they are attacked, that it is  for our own good that we are not allowed out, we have our work cut out for us. No one seems to be interested in changing the underlying cause for this need for special "protection or persecution" of women. How come these same men know how to behave once they go to other countries? In India they want that "difference" perpetuated - simple economic matter. The distribution of money/power, the holding on to it. Controlling women, and by that, their sexuality is the only way they can be overpowered, the premise being all girls are bad, from before they are born. Naked under the underwear bad.  How dare they be naked under their underwear!! Not that the common man or woman is aware of that deep truth, or has the time or inclination to know it. They just take the easy way out, follow the herd. Keep the woman inside. Everything will be fine. What if these evil men broke in? Will they have to kill off all the girls to "save" them? Oh, I forgot, we do kill off baby girls.
It is not the outfit, it is not the hair, it is not age, or class or caste - latest news - elderly Indian nun raped .

Still it is sad that it is hard for us to appreciate the humor and the message in this colorful strip. Why? Because the reality is that it is hard to be a girl in India -- good or bad. Jyoti and a thousand other Jyotis proved that. That is the main reason, I am ashamed to say, that I grabbed the first chance to escape. And no, it is not the actions of a few mad men. It is the reflection of how many Indians, educated or not, consider the girl, the woman. For them, girls are not equal to boys. We are not talking about what boys can do, girls can do better kind of equality. Just plain human being equality, as opposed to lower than animal level thinking. Listening to them talk, we would think we are not human. Some raise us to that impossibly high mother/goddess- standard, and others lower us to dirt level. We cannot win either way, let alone afford to laugh at the above fun piece, as things are now.


But then if people want to pretend they do not know what is meant here, in this picture, then we can do nothing about that. Remember my last essay on this? (Going to see an English movie (let alone porn!) was frowned upon when I was at University. Not that we did it all the time - the antisocial elements around made sure of that. But once in a blue moon we tried, I remember when "Gorillas in the Mist" came to our town. My friends and I took the bus to town a few miles away from our campus. And lo and behold, there were a small group of male students following us! Not from our department - anyway they followed us around town to the theater, sat right behind us making nasty comments, laughing and altogether titillated. Of course we were laughing at them - quietly - always pretend not to see them - do not provoke the beast! Once the movie started, and they saw that it was not porn, they got up and left. haha. And these were University students!) 


Anyway - the main point, which is still beyond the grasp of our girls,  is or should be the one about our (man or woman) right to choose for ourselves, once we are old enough to know. It could be my profession, it could be my partner in life, it could be that I want to live my life on my own terms, as much as possible. As it is now, the conditioning from our families, and our schools and colleges which are naturally religious institutions, is so successful, that some of us who act "free" or "fearless' by Indian standards, still are worried what "they" would say, or think! That image of the "good" girl has to be maintained at all costs. While growing up, we are trained to please everyone around us, and even those with whom we have no real connection to! And if we rebel, we are branded "bad". Girls' determination is translated as stubbornness, arrogance, and selfishness. Men have to deal with this too, I admit, but to a lesser degree - after all, boys will be boys - everyone accepts that in the end. Even the sense of humor of a girl has to be controlled - they have to be above all that! Or else they will again be branded as bad or immoral or even crazy! Or worse, they are looking for sex! with anyone! well - they said that if you cut your hair! or drank black tea, when you had a tummy ache. You walk around in the town, they think you are public property. In the above picture, they talk of partying! Some of us did not want to party - just wanted to study, get ahead. That was seen to be bad!Imagine what it would be  if I were partying then! But I get the idea - if they had let me study, say abroad, or in another state, what if I did party? Oh no! that is taboo. Most of the time religion is brought in as a controlling weapon. As if God has no other business but to control women!

In India, the reality is that  even now, even in the best of homes, what makes a girl good is her obedience to whatever the elders wanted her to say, to do, and even to think. No matter how outdated or downright stupid it is, or totally detrimental to her growth as a fully mature, responsible human. Obviously we are not human . As said before,  "how dare you are naked under your underwear?" But when the main goal or ideal in the Indian girl's life is supposed to be pleasing the men, then it is  going to be a hard fight. Women themselves buy into that way of thinking, and fail to support other women. It is a rivalry, a fight for survival. well - it is a man's world. And the sooner we learn that if we are to survive, we have to manipulate the men and other women, we succeed! Or not. As the case may be. And those who don't want to play that game, or are too "good", too well-conditioned, they lose.

Not letting girls be who they want to be, putting obstacles in their way of growth, at every turn, pulling them down whenever they try to fly,  let alone train them to stand on their own feet are the norms there.  The invisible now illegal dowry system doesn't help at all, showing us the economic basis of all these oppression and inequalities. Not educating everyone on the necessity for change in attitudes, and then blaming them as burdens on the family, is not smart or fair. But sadly, that is what is happening in India. It is easier to assume that all men are evil, and therefore girls should be shut up in their homes - easier for those men. But once you acknowledge that not all men are evil, that even bad men can be changed through education, only then can there be lasting change. The importance of empathy, the development of the so-called feminine qualities of kindness and forgiveness and nurture - these cannot be over emphasized. That should be the ideal that we move towards. To laugh it off, or to think that those men will never change, is doing a disservice to men's brains, to the entire human race itself. Again, I have to wonder at how fast these same "unchanging" male, once he comes to a western country manages to learn the lay of the land soon enough! So really good implementation of the law could bring about change! But there lies the problem in India - the law enforcers themselves are cut from the same cloth as these supposed dregs of society.

Related to this is the adage, "Know your station in life, and you will be happy, if you stick to it." No one likes an upstart. Why? America was built by upstarts. When the African Americans began to or tried to stand on their feet , they were called upstarts. Poets are upstarts, artists are upstarts. It is the fear of the Establishment.  People getting ideas. Of equal rights, of equal right to choose. Of losing their own station. But this is a big world - it can accommodate upstarts, old and new.

This putting people in their place, asking them if they haven't achieved enough, asking them to be content with what they have - after all they are better off than their predecessors -- that theme is not limited to race. It runs across nations, first world-third world, across classes, across the sexes. Wives , and women on the whole, are supposed to be put in their places. The dominant group does not want to share their privileges. They seriously believe in their divine right to have it all. They are the entitled ones, they are the chosen ones. You don't have to look too far to find the bases  of the elaborate rules and structures of caste system, of slavery, and of feudalism  It is just a question of perspective, really. Again!

Just remember that when you may make much ado about the petty presumed differences, an outsider won't see any such difference. Just as if a creature from another planet should see us humans -- I think to them we all belong to one race - the human race, whether you are a man or a woman, black, white, or brown.

of mindfulness, and also of other less savory matters

Suddenly that word is everywhere - "mindfulness". There have been debates about its actual meaning. The word has its roots in Pali, and also in Sanskrit. It originates from Buddhist principles. This is how I understood it, after reading a little about it. Mindfulness is "to be aware". To be aware of the moment. Free from judgment. Just to be. It is a presence of mind where one accepts without confusion, what each moment brings - the emotions, the thoughts, the plans for future, the whole experience.

I think that in this age of self-conscious living, 'mindfulness", which is another level of consciousness, can be of great benefit. For instance it can aid in creating an empathetic society, not unlike the Buddhist ideal. Or that of other religions. Where it could differ is that it could in practice go beyond mere religious to- the- letter morality, where  great power is wielded by leaders who soon forget how to be compassionate or humane. Where we covertly do whatever we like without thinking of another's pain or humiliation, while we judge others openly.

( I just had to touch on that "kiss-revolution" going on in my state, Kerala. The older generation and some of the "holier-than-thou" younger generation reproach and condemn that as immoral and against tradition and altogether sleazy. But then that is their way of controlling the progressive youth, especially girls, of any generation. These judging hypocrites (who have done this and much more against true morality in their lives behind closed doors - including rape and murder of women and little boys and girls), conveniently forget that this whole drama started as an act of protest. They want to erase that true spirit behind it and instead focus everyone's attention on the supposed debauchery of these young people, destroy the morale of the activists.What better way to suppress it than to instill fear in the girls' minds by branding them as loose women who were asking for it? And unleash  anti-social elements, like rabid animals into their midst, as punishment? The so-called 'traditionalists" and "culture-ists" should hang their heads in shame.

I remember an incident from long ago during my university days. In our university auditorium, it was segregated seating - boys on one side, girls on the other. There was this program there once which was held by the students. The usual songs, dances, skits etc on the stage. Every time something like this took place, the girls' side would be full and the boys' section half-empty. What more, the girls sitting at the very back had to endure the catcalls and other stuff from the crowd immediately behind them - all men, not necessarily university students. Well, this time, when my friends and I got there, the girls' side was almost totally full. And I could see the hooligans at the back just waiting for us to get there, with unconcealed glee. If we were to stick to our designated sphere, we would have to go to this problem area. And the boys' side was totally empty. So according to my suggestion, my friends and I went and sat in the second row of the boys' side. Well, it was a statement on my part. It was not because I wanted to sit near boys. In fact we were 5 or 6 girls sitting together. and the chairs around us were vacant. And there was no boy there that I wanted to sit near to. Or may be the one that  I would've liked to sit next to, was not there! (not that even if he were there, I would have! )Anyway, before the program started, a Student leader came to us, and called us outside. He told me in a sleazy manner that they all would love to "interact" with girls "closely". He did some insinuating innuendo-filled gesture with his hands when he said that. Then he went on to say that we will not be allowed to sit there for our own protection. Protection from whom? From him? Yes, we would need it. But he should not have assumed that all the rest of the men there were like him. It was a University after all. But then he had a small group of similar-thinking sheepish looking guys with him, who seemed to agree with him. I will never forget the sarcastic tone and the salacious expression on his face when he gave his speech. And he was supposed to be an enlightened student. A leftist revolutionary. I felt humiliated, angry, powerless, and incredibly sad thinking of our society, of our girls.  We walked out of that place that day. So I know  how people can distort the truth, erase the spirit and the ideal behind situations, by degrading and maligning the act of protest, and focusing on incredibly spurious ideas that maintain the status quo. Women are not allowed to step out of the slots handed down to them by the males. They pretend not to understand that women do not want to step out into the world just to sleep with all men. Now if they had practised true mindfulness, they would think differently, with compassion, knowing the plight of women in my country, understanding  the need for change.)

On the other hand, this mindfulness  holds higher and evolving standards.  The advantage of this way of living -- as a mindful subject -- is that even if one does not believe in a God, you can still be a fully evolved human being.Or at least on our way to being one. Because when we  practice mindfulness we begin with our own minds.  We focus on what goes on in there. Each one of us is our own authority. Not some religious leader. We become responsible for our thought and thereby for our actions. We owe it to ourselves to be good and kind. When each person is good and kind to his or her own self, (because it makes him or her feel better on the whole) , then that could extend outward and spread and reach the whole society.

Mindfulness can be practiced, as in meditation. It is being used in many areas of our lives these days. Many government agencies, hospitals, schools, businesses and such have started using it as stress-reducing /healing method. Nothing wrong in that, as far as I can see. There is that fear in many scholars that commercialization of mindfulness will make us forget the real spirit of the whole process. Which is "social harmony" and compassion. They fear that it may just teach people to adapt to stress, for instance, rather than deal with the cause of that stress or strife in a compassionate, wise, and humane manner -- in other words, in the manner of that evolved being. Which is what the underlying ideals of many religions are, but everyone conveniently or ignorantly forgets that part. (And those who are really clever and successful in this world know how to use those ideals without themselves following them, to their advantage. But that is another story).

For me, the immediate step in mindfulness is that I would start with breathing mindfully. anything easy, I can do! Stop. Stand up straight. Shoulders back. Tummy in.  and take that deep slow breath, and exhale. That is centering. And cleansing. And then, I can use mindfulness when I eat.

To Die with Dignity

The Rest

The fact is that we all die. Sooner or later, for one reason or another, we die. Also, there are two kinds of death, mainly - the sudden and the long-drawn out, dragging on kind.The other fact is no doctor, whatever his credentials are, can grant us immortality. Now most everyone hopes for a sudden, painless death, but not many meet their ends that way.

Those facts are inevitable, and out of our hands, but there is one fact that we can control – to a certain extent. Here is where scientific advances should help us deal with it in a better manner, when the time comes. Doctors could help improve the quality of our lives, hopefully.The pain, if there is any, for instance, while nearing the end, and the way it all ends, can be controlled to a great extent. And then there is the other emotionally charged issue of taking care of the older generation, once they are totally bedridden, in the right manner.  For me, how these matters are dealt with, is a sign of the amount of  progress in healthcare in a given society. While most western societies have made great strides in some of these areas, societies like India are still enmeshed in the old taboos and fears and guilt, and shame. We Indians pride ourselves in that we take care of our old. Maybe it is true in some ways. However let us take a close look at the reality here.

 The grandparents are still important parts of the family. Many sons and daughters take care of their parents in their old age. But old age does not preclude just a sage wise person sitting in his or her arm chair handing out wisdom and memories, and smiling at the antics of the grandchildren, telling stories of old times.  Things could change in the blink of an eye, for as time goes by, that machine that is our body will go haywire. And the older person is struck down all on a sudden. What now? Many children and/or the spouse of the invalid still try to do their duty to the best of their abilities. After the initial burst of overwhelming help and support by everyone around, if he or she bounces back, things go back to normal. But if the condition deteriorates and the elderly individual succumbs to “real” old age, there will not be that many around – just the immediate family.  Most often, especially in my part of the old country, it is the sons’ wives who get that responsibility. Daughters, if there are any, visit once in a while, and depending on the situation, and their personal nature, find fault with the way things are done, or not. And they are supposed to take care of their own in laws. Needless to say the now grumbling daughter in law carries on the thankless job. Anyway nobody is happy. By the time the older person is totally immobile, completely bedridden, with or without his mental faculties, his condition has drastically changed from what was before. Soon he or she is relegated to a room away from the main activities. The toll of taking care of a completely immobile person with no end in sight hits everyone –  economically, time-wise, emotionally. In many households hygiene of the older person becomes practically impossible to keep up. Infected bed sores, the stench of bodily excretions, and above all, the agony, frustration, loneliness, and helplessness of the once able human being, and that of the care giver. I have seen many an old person who is emaciated, curled up in a fetal position, with eyes staring vacantly, sometimes howling in pain, and visitors looking at him or her with pity and wonder. That person has become an exhibit to look at, and to the pious, an example for what human vanity and pride comes down to in the end. The person is bereft of whatever dignity he had, reduced to a shadow of what he had been. No one thinks of the care giver, who most of the time, would be a woman, by the way. Sending them off to hospices, or homes, however comfortable and well equipped these are, is still considered cruel and selfish. It is as if we are throwing away our older people once we have no use of them. But we need to rethink these ideas. At least with our generation, when we have come so far, we need a better plan.

Let us take, again, some characters from my part of the world. Now I can understand that the doctors and the hospitals need to make money. But when we know that many of the doctors there became doctors because their parents paid the colleges hundreds of thousands, even when  the son or the daughter has no aptitude, and when some are really dumb, money becomes really significant. The parent has the money, so the children shall be doctors. And have to try to get back that investment and more, by going into arranged marriages. Again. money from the girls’ parents. But most of the time, this money from the girls’ family ends up going back to the girls’ family within a year. The daughter sees to that if she is smart. So what now? Squeeze the patients. What else? Ply them with tests, treatments, drugs – sometimes useful, at other times, not. Since there is no accountability in these areas, doctors and hospitals get away with mistakes of many kinds. But that is for the living. What about the dying?

Suppose I have been diagnosed with a terminal illness like cancer. The doctors themselves say it is incurable, as it is stage 4, spread to all areas. But then comes the double talk. In one breath they talk to you about “palliative” care and “aggressive” treatment, say, chemotherapy and radiation! Totally misleading, and contradictory. The patient’s loved ones are at that point grasping at straws. Hoping against hope, and unable to think clearly, they go along with whatever the doctor says. Like car salesmen trying to sell varieties of useful and useless warranties to the unsuspecting, vulnerable customer, doctors shove down futile treatments onto terminally ill patients. This is not limited to India – happens in the West too. Money may not be the only reason behind it. Adherence to traditional, supposedly more ethical thinking and a whole lot of complex layers of reasons could be acting here. But money is one big factor, like death. The only useful and possible warranties that the patient could get are to be free of pain, and to die relatively comfortably.

The only advantage here is for the doctors and the hospital in which they have shares. Here enter the tubes down all your orifices, the other main character, the ventilator. Recently I heard of an elderly woman whose husband was diagnosed of some illness and was under treatment at a reputable hospital in India. She had no idea what the illness was. One of those medical mysteries. Anyway the man slipped into a coma. The doctors had given up hope. They said there was no cure. Still, tubes were down his throat, soon he was on a ventilator. After two months of this, the man died. Meanwhile the woman had sold everything of value including her house to treat her husband. Now she goes to work in of our neighbor’s homes as a cleaning maid and lives in a room paying rent. So many questions arise, so much pain could have been avoided.

 Another case – A 75 year old nun fell. She couldn’t walk after that. Nothing wrong, the experts said. Soon she is bedridden. After a couple of weeks, she refused to eat. Clearly she was fed up of everything – the prayers, the mockery, the indignity, the great fall from who she was once, and most of all, the pain.  Reduced to skin and bones, and clearly depressed, she stopped talking or responding. Still they plied her with stuff for that complex, unknown reason. She was still in pain. Totally silent, except when she was screaming in pain, soon she lost what was left of her mind. She lay there curled up. Her refusal to get up and walk was seen as stubbornness, and an act of defiance against god. Her refusal to pray is seen as a sign of her inherently evil nature. In fact they shove prayers down her throat persistently, when obviously, all she wants is peace and quiet, and something to make the pain go away, and possibly, just to die. Pious songs broadcast all the time, Holy Mass droning on, on the TV set –what more could she want, her visitors marveled! Any sane person would go crazy in that atmosphere. Her pain is looked on as punishment for her sins, for her pride when she was young.  Her suffering is at once an exaltation, and an example of, the end of, the futility of  all vanities. And all this in a place where all the inhabitants are educated, where in fact they run a well equipped hospital with highly trained specialists. But since they believe in the sanctity of human life, she is still kept alive. Tube down the throat.  Must make them feel virtuous. It is also to show the nun’s relatives that they are doing everything to keep her alive , that they are not killing her off. Litigation is what they are afraid of.   This happens in many a layman’s home too. This is one way that religion  aids and abets that hope mongering business of the doctors. After all, we Christians exalt suffering, as if God is a sadist whose main entertainment is watching humans beg and crawl, and howl in pain.

 I know many including the above-mentioned doctors  wave the “positive thinking”, hope and will power flags. That is just it- waving. Not very different from the snake oil -charlatans who pretend to work miracles, exploiting the weakness of the common man. Once the body is ravaged by a terminal disease and when there are no cures in the offing, no amount of positive thinking is going to stave off death or pain. Feeding on the patient’s and his loved one’s misfortune and vulnerability  is not ethical. I know these “godly” doctors will tell you oh so humbly that they are not gods, that it’s all in god’s hands, (what's he doing here then?).And there will be his colleagues who promote the hype of a particular “godly” healer - so he could be god! or so we are made to think. So the godly person lets us go on suffering.  As if he can grant us immortality. They all share in the profits. All the while they do know when a person’s body is run down, when all his vital organs are shutting down, and that he is in intolerable pain, and that he is not  ever going to get up and walk around, fit and strong. If there is a little bit of humanity left in these healthcare professionals, they will treat that pain, and tell the truth as they know it. It’s up to the patient, the individual to decide when to go based on that knowledge. That is the scientific advance that I want. That is why we read of doctors who decide to put an end to their own lives when they know they cannot stand their own suffering, when they do not want to be a burden on their loved ones.

Money is in the prolonging of a life that struggles to escape. And now a days there is the waiting for the arrival of any children who live abroad. The patient is kept “alive” till these relatives can see him. It is as if no one cares about the suffering of the individual. For the past few months, I have been watching episodes from Herriot’s animal stories. That was the first time I had known about the TV series, even though I had known of the book.  I was touched by the kindness and love that those owners and vets shower on their patients. And when they know that an animal cannot live a useful life any longer, that it has to suffer pain unnecessarily that nothing can save it, they have it put to sleep, gently, as much as they can. Now I am not touting euthanasia here for all the sick people. Being human, I am talking about the individual’s right to choose his or her own end, and to be free of pain, when the time comes. By a sad coincidence I just read about the actress who played Herriot’s wife, Lynda Bellingham who stopped her aggressive treatments for the cancer that had spread to her liver. Just before her death she talked about the effects of chemotherapy that people are not aware of.

When we know that the end is here, we should be allowed to go a little gracefully, with a little bit of dignity. It is time to ask certain questions to ourselves, to the society as a whole.  And to answer and act accordingly without fearing what others would think :  Why aren’t we thinking of that time of our end here a little more?  We seem to be inordinately interested in life after death. Religions especially. But isn’t it time we thought about death? Its practical side?  Why do we exalt needless suffering? Why do we feel the need to prolong life that is insufferable? Can’t we show a little bit of kindness to ourselves? As it is now in India, one thing I am sure of is that I would not want to die there. Her fatalistic, cavalier attitude to pain is frightening. I will have to go live in a country where they provide assisted suicide to those who want it.

This is where “living wills” come in. The public has to be educated about the importance of having a plan for medical care when the end of life is near. A plan for dealing with death. while we are able to think for ourselves, we make that living will. Death could come at any time, to the young and to the old. Accidents happen. Illness, surgeries happen. We should be able to decide what should be done if things go wrong, when we still have our mental acuity. So prepare that living will today. Let us try to die in peace. To the religious, God would not want us to suffer. He or she would want you to take advantage of the scientific progress that human beings have achieved under said God’s guidance.

According to the Mayo clinic site,  “Living wills and other advance directives are written, legal instructions regarding your preferences for medical care if you are unable to make decisions for yourself. Advance directives guide choices for doctors and caregivers if you're terminally ill, seriously injured, in a coma, in the late stages of dementia or near the end of life.

By planning ahead, you can get the medical care you want, avoid unnecessary suffering and relieve caregivers of decision-making burdens during moments of crisis or grief. You also help reduce confusion or disagreement about the choices you would want people to make on your behalf.

Advance directives aren't just for older adults. Unexpected end-of-life situations can happen at any age, so it's important for all adults to prepare these documents.”

Besides that, our healthcare providers  should admit that we are nearing the end, when that is the case. The whole process, all the information has to be made available to the patient. Such transparency will make it easier for the individual to make an informed decision. Of course we should be free to seek second or third opinions, if we want to. But they have to give us the truth as it is, and we have to accept it. We all say that death is inevitable, but it is hard to look it in the eye when we are made aware of it. 

Related to the end is the treatment of pain. Everyone including the doctors must know the meaning of “palliative” care. At that time when we need relief from pain, we deserve total relief.  And that may lead to a quicker death. Let it be. The transition from life to death should be gentle, soothing like one is going to sleep. That would mean a lot more hospices, and care homes for the terminally ill, for the older members of our society. Humane, ethical institutions which are accountable to the society. And that would mean all the more responsibilities on the part of the society to make sure that they are run with the one intention of the well being of the patients. For making sure that they will be comfortable till the end. And we must realize that it is all right if we decide that we are not able to look after our loved ones satisfactorily. In fact we should be true to ourselves, ask ourselves if we are helping our loved one in the best possible manner. If we think that we are not, then we should seek help, without guilt or stigma. The State’s responsibility should not end with the death of a person, but it should include the process of dying. Each one of us should take responsibility for our ends when we can, and ease a little of the burden off our children., and try to help educate our still unaware countrymen.

 Please read the whole article about “living will” here:

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/consumer-health/in-depth/living-wills/art-20046303

about " The Story of India" by Michael Wood.

I did not want to write this for a long time because you might think oh here comes another of her whiny rants -- and because I thought it was a waste of time ,a  losing battle. But today I feel like I should. It's an all over the place rambling sort of piece, bear with me. 
 

"In this landmark six-part series for PBS and the BBC, Michael Wood embarked on a dazzling and exciting journey through today's India, "seeking in the present for clues to her past, and in the past for clues to her future".

That is the description of the 2 part movie about the story of India that was shown on PBS.  Many watched it and marveled at this "definitive"  telling of India's history. Most were ready to believe it as such -- as one would believe the Holy Scriptures, esp Northern Indians. Why? Because it perpetuates that myth about the Aryan-Dravidian/ High Caste- Low caste demarcation, that great North-South Divide of the British propaganda machine. The West in their highhandedness gave the natives of the "Americas" our name. But that is nothing when we see the divide among our own countrymen.

On the whole the movie is  spectacular, but there are some spectacular blunders too, especially when it comes to the beginning of the story. It shows people from Africa plodding along the western coast of India, and landing in Kerala, not stopping anywhere up there, or never going to the north. Forget that there is an eminently navigable sea -- which people have used since -- but these people chose land, I can understand. But it is hard to believe that it is a single event. Still, these are pre historic events. And there are the remnants of the hill tribes still in the hills and forests of Kerala, Tamilnadu etc. And remember,  there are hill tribes in the north too. And over the thousands of years they have been exploited, and pushed farther and farther into the woods, and at other times, pulled out into the so-called civilized world, when it fell convenient to the dominant group.  They were and are the so-called low caste, backward caste, scheduled castes of India. All the while, the newcomers mingled with them genetically, too. Again, not a single event. waves of migration, waves of mingling, breeding, pushing back and forth, up and down, east and west, in the course of ten thousand years. So it is commonsense to realize that there  is not a single" pure" high or low caste race in India now. Michael Wood never mentions any of this. 

 I get all that. People who want to, can read through the lines, see beyond the movie. But those who want to hold onto their "superiority" for dear life, they will not . Anyway, the biggest blunder to me was Mr  Wood's portrayal of the Brahmins in Kerala,  the southernmost state of India. He shows this ancient religious sect chanting the sacred mantras and compares it to cries in the wilderness. Tribal sounds, makes them out to be some primitive beings!  Maybe. But ironically, these" tribes" are "Aryan"! Sneakily showing an apparently intellectually or physically challenged man or boy, is just one way in which he manages to infantilize and lessen and divide  a culture and a civilization. Those mantras are in Sanskrit, that is what I have heard. Now Sanskrit may have originated from bird and animal sounds, but so did human speech. But it is this language that is supposed to be Aryan, which is shown to be used by a group of people in Kerala, a southern state. And how does that go with the superior Northern Aryanness? Those people who chant those mantras are Aryans -- only Brahmins were allowed to do that, I do not know if Michael Wood knows that.  He cannot have it both ways. oh, and then he jumps to some tribe in Andhra Pradesh and finds the African gene -- mind, he doesn't mention that it is in Andhra, he lets many a viewer think that he is still in Kerala. well, it is all South -- so it doesn't matter  to Wood. He just is too taken up with his own benevolence at giving us a magnanimous perspective of India.   so what if he got certain basic facts wrong, what if he mixed this and that,confusing one thing with yet another thing,  what if he sees  anjanam, and states categorically that it is as white as  turmeric? So what anjanam is black? Everyone believes his words - he is white! ( color play! :) It is like those blind men "seeing" an elephant. But my question is, if he can easily and with certainty blur the distinction between tribal people and other settlers of Kerala, and between Kerala and other southern states, and forget all the rest of the Meditrerranean, Arabic, Phoenician, Persian, Central Asian, and Chinese heritage of Kerala,  why can't he blur the same between north and south? why harp on a baseless, spurious distinction? Which is not that different from fanatically "upper caste" white commenter on the 23& me site. From what he wrote there I am pretty sure his father is an Indian from the North, but he does not like to acknowledge that. But he is ready to take the lesser of the evil as it is, by trying to insist that all the north is upper caste and all the south is lower caste!  Does he not know about the evil heights of caste system in the south? Upper caste elements came up with crooked, inhuman ways to keep the earlier inhabitants low ,and based it on their divine right to lord it over. Caste system has its origins in racism and feudalism. But there is one difference between the north and the south. The south is more enlightened and once it realized the evil of its ways changed its thinking. In these days, the "lower" caste of the south are not as low as those in the north. They are no longer in the background or underground. There are no bonded laborers here like in the North. The lower castes in Kerala for instance got land from their old landlords. The present generation occupy high posts in all walks of life. They are a strong group with powerful unions to back them. And of course they are not "they' - they are us. As the present day population is a mix of all people. Even the earliest of us all - the people who belong to the ancient hill tribes. So then all of India is low caste or high caste. And all of the Americas is native American or African, or low caste or high caste. Or all of the world is low caste. Since there is no pure race anywhere.

After seeing this movie, a curly-haired  Northern Indian , a very nice person otherwise, was raving about this. He is a firm believer in the Aryan invasion myth.(Read Michael Danini and Sujatha Nahar's The Invasion that Never Was ) His proof is the difference in appearance between northerners and southerners. I wanted to laugh. I did not argue  but in my mind,  I do not see any difference  -- that is, if there is any difference,  it is the same difference between 2 southerners, or any two Indians. Even that tribal man Wood showed as the first African had straight hair. Well, curly hair is said to be  one of the earlier/ ancient/primordial dominant traits that will never disappear. Is it the skin color? That is the sun, my dear friend (me to that person, in my mind).  The North enjoys cooler weather in the winter months at least, and more people from the North may have had relationships with the colonial Brits.,--sexual, that is, they  used you or you used them, --  which, by the way, is recent history.  and of course, bleach and fair & lovely. north had a headstart on that. even after all that -- the features of the Northerner and the Southerner are of the same mix. rich and varied. layered and complex mix.

Around 60,000 years ago, a second melting pot of humans happened in the Central Asian area of which India was an important part. I share DNA with the people of that area. Now what are we? People of the North and the South, the East and the  West, and  in between India? We are not just  black, we are not just white, we are not just one color. We are not just a rainbow. We are all colors and no color. We are all races, and no race. We are the race called or that should be called Indian. And next time, when you tell a South Indian that she doesn't look like a South Indian, or that she doesn't look like an Indian, please remember that you are insulting her, insulting yourself, insulting all Indians and all humanity. 

for Jyoti.

a girl tortured and murdered. just like that. for no reason except that because they could. I know no one's "sorry" means anything now.  your life was stopped-- cruelly, inhumanly, wantonly. sorry that you were unfortunate enough to be born in this country called India or Bharat or Hindustan. sorry that there weren't enough human beings in that land who could prevent this horror that was dealt to you. hope you get some kind of justice at least after your death.


"Jyothi" means light. All children are lights of the world, of the future. boy and girl. man and woman. When that young girl with all her little big dreams of a better, happier life was murdered so horribly, she is not the only one who died. We all died -- at least a part of each one of us. She died a thousand deaths -- a placard read. And it hit me again and again. Even I at this jaded stage of my life, when I thought nothing could touch me anymore, cannot stop the tears. But they are no good, I know. What kind of sick people will do this? What kind of normal people will let this happen? Why? How many more before we act? I am ashamed to think that I am glad I am far away from that place where human life has zero value, and girls' lives, less than that.


these inhuman acts are not just for or because of  sexual power. Nor is it as some point out,  because of poverty. Being poor does not mean you have to rape and kill women.  It is hatred born out of sheer envy and basic meanness. envy at the little happiness or success and independence that these girls and women created for themselves. fear that these girls will fly. away from their grasping hands. these men just follow a way of life akin to the old racial pogroms. the anger and the envy towards the "uppity" woman. new ways of intimidation, containment, punishment. women stay in the margins! do not step out of your male-approved roles.

The light was extinguished by a few idiotic demons. And still, there are those who blame the light. Why did it burn? why did it light up? Look to any culture that mistreats its women, denies them the rights of a human being -- they all reek of poverty and failure. A tradition that murders unborn females, a land filled with mass graves of female bodies -- India's holocaust. Whole villages devoid of women because of this selective breeding. Then they buy kidnapped little girls to use as slaves in their households. There are those so-called educated men who point out here that men get hurt too . they do not have any freedom either! First of all I do not know how they can compare their "hurts" or inability to have indiscriminate sex, to the atrocities committed on women on a daily basis, just because men can. Be it a war, or a day at the store -- men vent their frustrations and compensate for their failures by hurting and killing women. It is your outfit, it is your hair, it is your expression that is to blame, they tell us. No, it is none of these. Because you do this to any female -- right from when they are in their mother's womb till they are dead.

There are those all over the world ( this includes obviously, religious and political leaders, educational institutions run by nuns, priests, and other religious gurus, and law enforcement officials) who believe that the right to "the pursuit of happiness" is only for men. Much like the divine right of kings, like nations, that out of greed, conquer and plunder, like races who think they are superior and are entitled. And for these men who look down on women,  the one thing that pops when she says, 'happiness", is sex. Years ago when I wrote about my dream of a land where a lone  woman can walk safely even at midnight, all these twisted minds could get out out of it was, again, sex. Why do you want to walk at night? isn't it for sex? Or , later, it could be "why do you want to walk at all?"  "Why do you need to breathe?" Does this mean they don't get it -- that it is not their unwanted advances that we crave for, but the freedom to choose for ourselves, as much as any human being can? Not really -- they pretend not to get it. And what if men are hurt? We don't find pleasure or satisfaction in that! The fact that for every 100 girls that are preyed upon, 50 boys are too these days, doesn't make any of it right. Nor does that make any of us happy.

a suggestion -- round these evil elements up, including the ones in power who condone and support these crimes for some money, the politicians, the police who are the products of a colonial and patriarchal culture, and send them over to the war zones. Move all the human beings out of those areas and let these idiots fight among themselves and rot. Or to the desert.  Meanwhile, educate the rest. as to the real meaning of "culture" and "civilization" . Those words do not mean that men can do whatever they want, and get away with it. learn to enlighten. and  to be enlightened. no amount of plunging in the Ganges will help us with that. Open the mind.

for more info: http://ajbernard.blogspot.com/2011/02/what-is-wrong-with-some-well-actually.html

how India treats its women

child abuse in India

cruelty towards women in other places too, escalating to unbelievable  levels during wartimes --   cost of being women


modern day racism is rampant all over especially in some of those Middle Eastern countries that employ a lot of men and women from developing countries. no basic human rights there, except for the natives and the whites. and we do not see any human rights activists complaining much.

what is wrong with (some, well, actually, a lot of) Indian men?

So another girl has been attacked in Kerala, that bastion of tradition and high morality. She was just travelling by train, and this man rapes her. She jumps out of the train to escape him, and she dies. There were other passengers aware of the evil, they kept quiet. A few years ago, another girl was attacked, a nun came to her rescue, and both the girl and the nun were pushed off the train. The nun lost an arm and a leg. In both cases, the men were from other states. Not that Mallu men are saints.
What is wrong with these men? Women and girls of any age cannot walk along Kerala's streets in daytime without being groped and pawed. Even if a male realtive is with a girl, these men feel free to molest the girl. Does this mean we have to cover ourselves up and sit at home behind locked doors? That is not going to happen.

And  in this case, we have to bear in mind that these  unfortunate girls were in the "ladies' compartment". The fact that the ladies need to be seated in a different area itself is suspicious. These same men with their uncontrollable urges behave wonderfully well when they are in other countries. So what is it that gives them the liberty to do whatever they want to, to whomever they want to, whenever they want to, in "God's own country"? Maybe these "literate" males think that www stands for that -- wherever, whenever, whoever -- not unlike many others. Kerala has become the place which looks upon its girls as just objects to toy with. A place where girls have no worth. Of what use is literacy if people cannot acknowledge the basic rights of their fellow beings? Now men from other states come to Kerala to display their perversions. Live and let live, please. It is a proven fact that If a nation's women are not recognized as human, and are not treated equally/ or better, that nation is always going to lag behind in every way. No amount of technological or scientific advances, no social networks, no internet,  nothing is going to bring these nations into the 21st century. Nor will they make these rabid persons human, unless they become human. And for that, education helps, not the textbook kind. But about man and woman. Their rights. The meaning of fairness.

Well, even in so-called civilized countries, it is hard for people to realize that a woman's body is her own. They talk and act as if her biology and her biological clock is everyone else's except her's. It is as if everyone else decides what she should do with her body, when she should have a baby, actually, they are determined that she have a baby. But these are matters which we still have  a choice in, I hope. But in India, everything goes a step further. Girl child is unwanted. She is killed off before she is even born. And what happens to her if and once she is born? Look at this young girl. She is  gone, she  lost her life, after an inhuman horrific ordeal. The distinction between revenge and justice gets blurred in my mind, even when I know that the rot in our culture goes deeper than we allow ourselves to see.
That a woman cannot go about her life without attracting unwanted attention is a violation of her space. I remember once a fellow student at the university countering my argument with "we men get mugged too!"
There was no point in convincing someone who pretended not to understand the basic tenets of civilization and refinement.

And a word to the wise -- that is, those in authority, who are at once proud of our state's culture and tradition, and privately condone the imbecilic treatment of women,-- you better clean up your act. No use parading elephants and pushing houseboats around backwaters -- there won't be any tourists to see it all, if they can't feel safe there. And the modern technology will do something -- it will put an end to secrecy, and coverup, whch is what  till now protected the offenders. We showered the victim with shame and guilt that no one dared to speak out, even when they were hurt badly. But now, it would be like shouting from the rooftops. And these are the kind of things that will blacken our faces, and make us bow our pathetic little heads in shame. We are responsible, our collective inertia, our fear, our selfishness and shame ,and our resistance to change.


I will add more to this piece, once I can breathe properly. It is with a heavy heart that I think of my homeland now. I never thought I will be this glad to be out of that place.